Today was the day.
I had to do it.
I had been contemplating for awhile. A few weeks ago I asked my hubby to take down my mountain bike, dust the cobwebs off, clean it and lube it up. It had being hanging in the garage for awhile so it needed a little work.
I had been avoiding this day for awhile. I was probably in the worse condition of my life post food compulsion that turned into an exercise compulsion (but that’s a blog for another time). Not since the late 90’s had I gone so long without getting on my bike. But 2 years of a broken body, badly in need of repair had ensured that it was going to be awhile before I got back at it.
And I was afraid.
I knew this was going to be painful. I figured there might even be blood. But I also knew that if I didn’t jump off this ledge, I may never ride again. And I wasn’t willing to give it up just yet.
So today I pulled out my equally as dusty bike shorts, strapped on my helmet and my shoes and off I went.
And I was right.
About a quarter mile into the ride, as I was struggling to get up a pretty easy climb, a couple of 4 letter words flew out of my month and I thought “what in the heck am I doing here.” Thankfully it would have taken much more effort to turn around at that point then to just continue to charge ahead. So I stayed focused on the trail in front of me. There were mountains I had to climb up and boulders I had to navigate around (ok they were hills and rocks - whatever). But I stayed focused on the trail in front of me. Little by little I gained more confidence, until eventually I was riding with some ease. Well, maybe not but I wasn’t swearing anymore.
There were mountains I had to climb up and boulders I had to navigate around
It was exhilarating. And I felt free.
You may be facing something today. Your own mountain. Your own boulders to navigate. Maybe it’s a boundary that you know you finally need to set. Perhaps it’s making that appointment with the therapist, that you’ve been putting of for months. It might be walking into that meeting for the first time. Or possibly making that call to ask someone for forgiveness, or to finally forgive and release someone who has wronged you.
And you may be afraid. There is a huge risk, because you may end up in pain or bloody. You’re on the ledge and you’re not sure whether to jump off or not.
But maybe, just maybe, you too will end up free.
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